During my adventures as a teacher and private tutor of English (and other subjects), I was blessed and challenged by more than one high-spirited child. Sometime referred to as wild ones, these children test the limits of patience but also bring rewards, joy and wonder otherwise not known.
What is a high-spirited child? They are special. They are spunky. They can be full of energy, brilliant, creative, funny and intense. Signs of high-spiritedness include a child that:
– does not sleep (also toddler or newborn),
– has longer and more intense tantrums,
– dislikes change,
– will not give up (persistent),
– is highly focused,
– keeps an unpredictable schedule,
– is sensitive, and
– is very active.
At times when teaching such a child I have felt helpless, like I was teaching with a huge roadblock in the way. There were times when I have felt like I was going the wrong way down a one-way street. There have been times when I just wanted to toss my hands in the air and shriek, and times when I have almost done just that.
But there have also been inspiring flashes when I have felt like I wasn’t teaching but was learning. There have been moments of wonder when I have paused and observed the strength and vigour and fortitude that are coming from that same wild child. In those moments, I have seen small insights of the potential that is within them — the greatness that is there to be liberated through patient, watchful and caring guidance.
The following are successful techniques teachers and parents can use to handle spirited children:
– be clear and consistent; it is important to set limits as spirited children need the safety and constancy of well-defined rules,
– avoid overly stimulating situations that can trigger uncooperative behaviour,
– create a “yes” child-friendly environment that increases independence and collaboration,
– put away the “boxing gloves” when confronting a head-to-head power struggle – relax, observe rather than act on the emotions and find a way to work through the issue together,
– acknowledge the spirited child’s moods; talk to the child about why he or she is starting to melt down and are not the only one who is overwhelmed by difficult feelings or obstinate attitude – this will help you empathize with the child, and
– other methods include reward good behaviour, set realistic expectations, allow active time especially outdoors, and use positive labeling when describing traits (e.g. persistent, energetic, and sensitive rather than wild child, stubborn, exhausting).
Yes, with the high-spirited child there will be good days and crummy days. But know that these children have character traits that are well regarded in adults, and it is never too late to begin announcing his or her merits.
I look back on my experiences teaching wilful children and think about how the difficult phases fade into more positive stages of acceptance and growth. I also think about how the difficult child grows into a considerate and self-motivated teen, whose strong will is now rooted in these attributes. I and countless others have learned that strong will in a child is nothing to fear – it’s a blessing.
